Should you have a long distance relationship?
Should you have a long distance relationship?
By Oluwatosin Ajayi
The concept of long distance relationships is way exhausting, distance they say makes the heart grow fonder; maybe, maybe not. Does distance actually makes the heart grow fonder in all cases? Am not sure!
Let's consider the following situations.
1.) A situation where you and your partner are simply dating.
This is the most complex and unreliable form of long distance relationship. This is due to its unstructured nature. When two love birds are lost in the moment, there is nothing they wouldn't imagine, there is nothing impossible to them at that point, the future looks so bright when love is involved, they basically wish for almost anything, they become blind to see what may be astake and sometimes it may be difficult to draw a line between love and lust. That's exactly what love does, you can tell if someone is in love when you hear them speak.
The love they have for each other seems to be strong initially and one way or the other fades out with time no matter how long you chat or call daily.
If we are to consider a relationship involving the younger ages (12-25), there is a high level of uncertainty due to the lack of strategy, they just love up and then what? Even in a situation where they see on a daily basis or they are couple of miles apart they can go astray whenever the opportunity came knocking and this is due to the lack of a discrete and clearly stated goals as well as how they plan on executing those goals.
Relationships (especially Dating) nowadays are kind of strange, in the sense that no one really cares about the long run, its always about the numbers, lol. This used to be a guy thing but now its like the girls are now trailing that part as well in addition to the material goals and that makes the whole thing kind of messed up.
Close distance relationships are having hard time striving not to talk of what's obviously going to become of a long distance relationship. Here distance doesn't make your heart grow any fonder. It doesn't at all. Distance is just the perfect opportunity you've been waiting for to express your freedom. This category compared to the other categories, you can disagree all you want, experiences most break ups.
Now, if the older ages are considered (26 and above), at this point both male and female parties must have been through some life experiences and as such they are likely going to be considering things a bit differently, HELLOOOO!!! This doesn't guarantee anything. If there relationship is going to stand a chance regardless of the the distance between them, it all lie on the amount of work they both put in. So if you want something serious with your partner make them stay around you, else work away.
2.) A situation where you and your partner are into courtship.
This is a bit straight forward as it is expected that only serious minded partners would want to move their relationship to the next phase, its also necessary to note that being in courtship is subject to some things which include both parties knowing fully well what their goal or goals are and collectively working towards it.
For example their primary goal would be to marry obviously, whereas other goals such as how much they want to have before considering tying the knot or other agreement on what to do in a situations of pregnancy etc makes this category different from the early discussed.
In this kind of situation, both parties are considered focused or at least assumed to be focused and as such there decisions are expected to reflect there level of maturity.
In a situation where they have to be apart there is little to be scared of, although in some cases things end up not working out and in such situations we consider as quite unfortunate.
The only issue to be considered here is not the issue of the distance as a potential entity liable of driving a wedge between you and your partner rather its if the partners are actually cool with the distance individually. Here distance makes the heart grow funder, yes! It does.
Generally distance should not be and it would not be a problem for a well structured courtship.
So if you and your partner are not in the courtship phase yet and you are miles away, you might want to ask your partner how many times they have cheated on you because its going to be much and vise versa and I don't need to tell you what to do. As long as you know what you having is not being guided by a clearly stated goal, you my be wasting your time hoping for the best, its only a matter of time before it dawns on you. You may want to set our on the right course now or opt now before either of you get hurt.
Remember, whosoever expects more from the relationship gets hurts the most when things go south
3.) A situation where you and your partner are married.
This category is widely assumed to be the most reliable. If you ask any random set of persons they would probably say the same and to a very large extent, its true. Before they (married couples) arrived here they must have experienced a period of courtship which seems to have played off and this culminates into a myriad of relationship experiences and a great sense of direction which could give room a Iong distance relationship.
If the married couples are yet to have kids, distance should not be taken with levity as this could be just the beginning of bad things to come.
In this situation a good and efficient communication may just be enough to cancel out the distance factor considering you've tied the knot. Of course you don't want to frustrate your partner by not keeping in touch in whatever way you could. Here distance absolutely makes the heart grow fonder.
Again, If you married with kids, the same principle applies; keep in touch and visit regularly. Be responsible dad or mum.
Well, in summary, what matter most is what you want what your expectations are. If your long distance relationship is properly established and you and your partner have set goals and everything is going on as planned, then good luck. But if you think this doesn't sound like your relationship, you can make it like it now or opt out ASAP.
You can add your comments in the comment section if you want to.
By Oluwatosin Ajayi
The concept of long distance relationships is way exhausting, distance they say makes the heart grow fonder; maybe, maybe not. Does distance actually makes the heart grow fonder in all cases? Am not sure!
Let's consider the following situations.
1.) A situation where you and your partner are simply dating.
This is the most complex and unreliable form of long distance relationship. This is due to its unstructured nature. When two love birds are lost in the moment, there is nothing they wouldn't imagine, there is nothing impossible to them at that point, the future looks so bright when love is involved, they basically wish for almost anything, they become blind to see what may be astake and sometimes it may be difficult to draw a line between love and lust. That's exactly what love does, you can tell if someone is in love when you hear them speak.
The love they have for each other seems to be strong initially and one way or the other fades out with time no matter how long you chat or call daily.
If we are to consider a relationship involving the younger ages (12-25), there is a high level of uncertainty due to the lack of strategy, they just love up and then what? Even in a situation where they see on a daily basis or they are couple of miles apart they can go astray whenever the opportunity came knocking and this is due to the lack of a discrete and clearly stated goals as well as how they plan on executing those goals.
Relationships (especially Dating) nowadays are kind of strange, in the sense that no one really cares about the long run, its always about the numbers, lol. This used to be a guy thing but now its like the girls are now trailing that part as well in addition to the material goals and that makes the whole thing kind of messed up.
Close distance relationships are having hard time striving not to talk of what's obviously going to become of a long distance relationship. Here distance doesn't make your heart grow any fonder. It doesn't at all. Distance is just the perfect opportunity you've been waiting for to express your freedom. This category compared to the other categories, you can disagree all you want, experiences most break ups.
Now, if the older ages are considered (26 and above), at this point both male and female parties must have been through some life experiences and as such they are likely going to be considering things a bit differently, HELLOOOO!!! This doesn't guarantee anything. If there relationship is going to stand a chance regardless of the the distance between them, it all lie on the amount of work they both put in. So if you want something serious with your partner make them stay around you, else work away.
2.) A situation where you and your partner are into courtship.
This is a bit straight forward as it is expected that only serious minded partners would want to move their relationship to the next phase, its also necessary to note that being in courtship is subject to some things which include both parties knowing fully well what their goal or goals are and collectively working towards it.
For example their primary goal would be to marry obviously, whereas other goals such as how much they want to have before considering tying the knot or other agreement on what to do in a situations of pregnancy etc makes this category different from the early discussed.
In this kind of situation, both parties are considered focused or at least assumed to be focused and as such there decisions are expected to reflect there level of maturity.
In a situation where they have to be apart there is little to be scared of, although in some cases things end up not working out and in such situations we consider as quite unfortunate.
The only issue to be considered here is not the issue of the distance as a potential entity liable of driving a wedge between you and your partner rather its if the partners are actually cool with the distance individually. Here distance makes the heart grow funder, yes! It does.
Generally distance should not be and it would not be a problem for a well structured courtship.
So if you and your partner are not in the courtship phase yet and you are miles away, you might want to ask your partner how many times they have cheated on you because its going to be much and vise versa and I don't need to tell you what to do. As long as you know what you having is not being guided by a clearly stated goal, you my be wasting your time hoping for the best, its only a matter of time before it dawns on you. You may want to set our on the right course now or opt now before either of you get hurt.
Remember, whosoever expects more from the relationship gets hurts the most when things go south
3.) A situation where you and your partner are married.
This category is widely assumed to be the most reliable. If you ask any random set of persons they would probably say the same and to a very large extent, its true. Before they (married couples) arrived here they must have experienced a period of courtship which seems to have played off and this culminates into a myriad of relationship experiences and a great sense of direction which could give room a Iong distance relationship.
If the married couples are yet to have kids, distance should not be taken with levity as this could be just the beginning of bad things to come.
In this situation a good and efficient communication may just be enough to cancel out the distance factor considering you've tied the knot. Of course you don't want to frustrate your partner by not keeping in touch in whatever way you could. Here distance absolutely makes the heart grow fonder.
Again, If you married with kids, the same principle applies; keep in touch and visit regularly. Be responsible dad or mum.
Well, in summary, what matter most is what you want what your expectations are. If your long distance relationship is properly established and you and your partner have set goals and everything is going on as planned, then good luck. But if you think this doesn't sound like your relationship, you can make it like it now or opt out ASAP.
You can add your comments in the comment section if you want to.
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